


Family Values

by LeelaSmall



Category: Monty Python's Spamalot
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22185853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeelaSmall/pseuds/LeelaSmall
Summary: A Spamalot Modern AU fic. A collection of one-shots about the characters’ children and future lives. Mostly fluff and slice of life themes
Relationships: Bedivere/Galahad (Arthurian), Guinevere/Arthur Pendragon, Patsy/Concorde, Prince Herbert (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)/Lancelot du Lac, Robin the Not-So-Brave-as-Sir Lancelot/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. Madeline DuLac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madeline belongs to [queenallyababwa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenallyababwa/pseuds/queenallyababwa)

"Shit!"

Herbert ran to the oven, quickly slipping on a pair of mitts before pulling the door open. He fanned the black smoke away as he coughed, praying to every deity he knew for dinner to not be ruined.

He exhaled in utter relief when he pulled out the tray and saw that the turkey that had been cooking for the past five hours hadn't burned, save for a few black spots on the skin here and there, but those could easily be peeled away. The skin was the least healthy part of the whole bird, anyway. The potatoes roasting on the rack underneath it were also untarnished, yet still not fully cooked. He figured they should be done in the next ten minutes or so.

He set the heavy metal tray down on the counter and laughed at himself as he ran a mitt-covered hand through his forehead. He was very seldom prone to cursing, doing so only in situations of extreme stress, and he couldn't believe he had let that one slip. He was glad no one had heard him.

"Fifty pence for the swear jar!"

Or so he thought.

Sighing through his nose, he picked the tray back up and carried it to the dining room, where a young girl was busy coloring with pastel crayons. After setting the meal down on the oak table, he took a moment to admire her as she worked away on her drawing. Madeline looked so much like him; it was almost like looking into a mirror. The blond curls that framed her head made it impossible to not know she was his daughter.

Herbert sighed happily as he reached into the pocket of his jeans and retrieved a fifty pence coin, which he proceeded to insert into the half-full glass jar on a nearby shelf labeled 'Swear Jar'.

"Your college fund is looking pretty good." He commented as he picked up a cutlet knife from the table, gently pressing the tip against the turkey.

"I don't wanna go to college. I wanna be a model like Uncle Dennis."

Herbert stabbed the turkey with full force, more as a sudden reaction impulse than to actually carve the bird. Madeline watched wide-eyed as her father took a deep breath and tried his best to recompose himself.

"Maddie, sweetie…" he started, forcing himself to smile at the bewildered eight-year-old. "There are plenty of great careers out there for you to pursue. You shouldn't be so quick to dismiss Higher Education."

"Why? Don't you think I'm pretty, daddy?" Madeline pouted.

"Of course I do, sweetheart!" Herbert exclaimed as he enveloped his daughter in a tight embrace. "And it's great that you want to share your beauty with the world! But being a model is a very… complicated profession."

"But Uncle Dennis says it's fun!"

"Alright, first of all, Uncle Dennis is a plonker." He commented before clearing his throat. "Second, wouldn't you want to do something more productive when you grow up? You could join the Peace Corps and feed starving children in Africa!"

"Ew, no!" Madeline protested, making a disgusted face. "Those kids all look icky on TV!"

Herbert took another deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling his patience grow dangerously thin.

"Madeline Alice DuLac… I swear to God –"

"I'm home!"

"Papa!" Madeline squealed happily, quickly hopping off her seat and running out of the living room.

Herbert sighed and took a moment to collect himself before following her to the other room, where she was now in giggling in Lance's arms. The two always got along so well, he was almost jealous.

"Salut, ma petite ange!" he greeted her with an Eskimo kiss. "Étiez-vous une bonne fille aujourd'hui?"

"Bien sûr, papa!" she declared proudly.

Lance beamed at her before noticing his visibly exhausted husband in the doorway.

"Vous savez pourquoi votre autre papa a l'air si dérangé?" he muttered in hopes that Herbert wouldn't hear.

"I understood that." Herbert replied, walking up to the brunet and giving him a peck on the cheek. "Your 'petite ange' says she wants to be a model when she grows up."

"Oh, but of course!" he exclaimed as he twirled her around. "My little Madeline is the most beautiful girl in the world!"

He watched his daughter giggle in his arms, his heart swelling as it always did when he heard her laugh. He caught a glimpse of his husband, who was a shooting him a very displeased look. Lance knew that look all too well. It was his 'sort this out or you're sleeping on the couch tonight' look.

"But… she is also very intelligent." He tread carefully as he set her down. "Which is why she shouldn't rely only on her looks to support herself."

"But why not?" she whined.

"Well, despite their dazzling good looks, models have a reputation of not being very bright, which makes it very hard for other people to respect them. You don't want that to happen to you, do you?"

Madeline's pale cheeks turned pink and her hazel irises darted downwards in sudden embarrassment. Herbert brought a hand to his chest, fearing that Lance had crushed his poor baby's dreams.

"No…" she admitted in a hushed tone, her gaze glued to her tiny feet.

"That's what I thought." Lance knelt down and gently lifted his daughter's chin to look into her eyes. "You have so much to offer, ma chérie. It would be a shame to let your talents go to waste like that."

Herbert could feel his heart melt upon hearing his husband's adoring words. They had been married for quite some time, yet Lance still found ways to make him fall in love with him all over again.

"But I don't have any talents." Madeline replied, disappointed.

"You're still a little girl, I'm sure you'll find something you're good at. No need to rush it." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Now run along and wash your hands so we can have dinner."

Madeline gave and quick nod and darted out of the room in the direction of the bathroom.

"My hero." Said Herbert as he wrapped his arms around the brunet. "You can't imagine how close I was to yelling at her."

"That ought to be a sight." Lance chuckled, running a hand through his husband's blond locks. "It's been a while since I've heard your accent."

"And I assure you that you won't be hearing it any time soon." He poked Lance's nose menacingly. "You know how much I hate it."

"I know, I know… But you do look very sexy when you're mad. More than usual, anyway."

"Is that so?" Herbert retorted flirtatiously, rubbing his husband's chest. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"Please do." Lance grinned before his face contorted in confusion as he smelt the air around him. "Is something burning?"

"Son of a bitch, the potatoes!" Herbert shouted before running back towards the kitchen, leaving his husband laughing to himself.

"Another fifty pence for the swear jar!" Madeline yelled from the bathroom.


	2. Mordecai and Meredith Ferguson

Robin’s eyes slowly opened and strived to adjust to the darkness of the room. He could detect small rays of sunshine peeking in from the blinds, signaling a brand-new day was upon him. He glanced over at the digital watch on his nightstand: a little past seven am. Why was he awake at seven am on a Saturday? Force of habit, he supposed.

He turned over with a grunt, determined to drift back into slumber, but after a while that proved to be a losing battle. Sighing through his nose, he once again opened his eyes, but instead of seeing nothing but darkness, that time his eyes fell upon his wife’s sleeping form. Olivia was snoozing peacefully next to him, her body slowly raising and descending with every breath. His heart swelled as he watched his wife, as it usually did whenever he looked at her. To that day he couldn’t believe how lucky he had been to find such a beautiful girl who loved him just as much as he loved her.

He moved as slowly and gently as he could in order to not wake her as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. He nuzzled her neck, taking in the sweet scent of her coconut bodywash. He wondered why he never did that anymore…

…but he was reminded right away.

What happened next occurred so fast he barely had time to process it. Before he knew it, he had been flipped around and pinned down against the memory foam mattress while his arms were held tight behind his back by the very person he had attempted to embrace, who was now fully awake and straddling him. Her grip loosened immediately not a second later once she realized what she had done.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” she yelped, rubbing his forearms in order to soothe any pain she might have caused. “You know you can’t just hug me from behind like that! It triggers my defensive reflexes!”

“A thousand apologies, officer.” He joked, wheezing slightly under weight. “It completely slipped my mind.”

“I hope I didn’t hurt you.” She said as she gently kneaded his muscles. “Sometimes I just can’t control my strength.”

“Don’t worry, you didn’t. Although I am appreciating the massage.”

He could feel himself begin to relax under her tender touch. It always amazed him how she could be so rough and fiery, yet so gentle and caring at the same time.

“You know… since I have you like this, I wonder…”

He didn’t need to hear what else she had to say to know her intentions; he could detect her lust-filled tone a mile away. His suspicions were only confirmed when he felt her body lower towards his and her soft breath inches away from his ear.

“Does Willy Shakes want to come out and play?” she whispered seductively into his ear, the melody of her Irish brogue causing his body to tingle.

His cheeks flushed involuntarily upon the utterance of that sentence; the one sentence that had the ability of softening every bone in his body… _except for one_.

She began to pepper his neck with kisses, which caused a moan to get stuck in his throat. He could feel his body begin to grow warm in the most pleasant way possible. Olivia always knew just how to get him going.

He managed to twist his body around and capture her lips with his own as he wrapped his arms around her torso to pull her close. She yelped in surprise and tangled her fingers in his hair as his hands snaked down towards the hem of her nightgown, slowly pulling the fabric over her thighs.

_“You rolled a two! Your archer can’t just come back to life!”_

_“No fair, your bard did that last time!”_

They froze as they heard those voices through their bedroom walls, giving each other tired yet slightly amused looks.

“I knew we should have never allowed Bedevere to give them a Dungeons & Dragons set for their birthday.” Olivia sighed as she moved off of Robin.

“He told me it was a good way to stimulate their imagination.” Robin stated as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I should’ve known better.”

They nearly jumped out of their own skins when they heard the eardrum-piercing sound of someone repeatedly punching the keys on a keyboard, follow by a high-pitched scream.

They were about to get off of the bed when their bedroom door suddenly swung open and a pair of ginger-haired fraternal twins came running into the room. The girl was the first one to climb onto the bed, clinging onto Olivia and burying her face in her lap.

“Mordecai keeps cheating!” she whined as Olivia cradled her. “Then he got mad and started punching my keyboard!”

“Mordecai Corbin Ferguson!” Olivia growled. “Is that any way to act towards your sister?”

“She started it!” Mordecai pointed aggressively at his sister. “She never plays fair! She keeps bending the rules!”

“That’s no excuse to be mean to her.” Robin retorted.

“Exactly.” Olivia concurred as she patted her daughter on the head. “And just for that, you’re grounded for the rest of the day.”

“What?!” Mordecai exclaimed. “But that’s not –”

“No buts!” Olivia nearly shouted. “Now go to your room. I need to have a serious talk with your sister.”

Mordecai stomped out of the room, muttering angrily under his breath.

“Don’t you think you were a little too harsh on him?” Robin spoke up after their son was out of hearing range.

“I don’t think I was harsh enough. Now, Meredith…” Olivia softly addressed her daughter, who was still holding onto her. “Are you alright?”

“Uh-huh…” Meredith mumbled feebly, her face still firmly pressed against her mother’s lap.

“Oh, sweetie… You should really learn how to defend yourself. You’re almost twelve.”

“I can’t. I’m not strong enough.”

“Yes, you are. You’re much stronger than you think.”

“No, I’m not…”

“Honey, look at me.”

Meredith slowly looked up at her mother, who smiled warmly down at her.

“Do you know why your middle name is Phoenix?” Olivia asked as she ran a hand through her daughter’s ginger locks.

“Because Meemaw and Peepaw really like birds?” Meredith answered innocently.

“No. Well, yes…” Olivia chuckled and glanced at her husband, who just gave her a sheepish smirk. “Your grandparents really do like birds. But there’s another reason behind your middle name.”

“There is?” the little girl sat up, her curiosity heightened.

“Yes. You see, when you were born, the doctors said you weren’t breathing. They couldn’t even feel your heartbeat.”

Meredith’s already large blue eyes instantly widened, and she released a surprised gasp. Olivia patted her head again to soothe her.

“They told your dad and I that there wasn’t much more they could do, but we told them to keep trying. And surely enough, you let out your first breath not long after. Your Meemaw talked us into giving you the middle name Phoenix because she said it was like you had been reborn.”

Olivia gently cupped her daughter’s cheeks and looked straight into her eyes.

“If you were strong enough to bring yourself back to life, then you’re strong enough to face anything that comes your way.”

Meredith was silent as she processed that new information. Robin couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous about how his daughter would react.

“I… beat death?” Meredith spoke up not long after.

“Hum… Well, that’s one way to put it.” Olivia stammered. “But the point is…”

“I beat death!” Meredith exclaimed, throwing her arms up excitedly as she jumped off the bed and ran out of the room chanting. “I beat death! Hey Mordecai, I beat death!”

Robin and Olivia were left in the silence of their bedroom, staring at the door through which their daughter had exited in a fit of glee. Olivia broke the silence as she laughed and shook her head.

She turned to her husband, who was just staring at her in what seemed like a strange mix of awe and infatuation.

“What?” she asked with a chuckle.

“You never cease to amaze me.” Robin replied, his eyes still locked on her.

“Don’t get all mushy on me, now.” She jokingly punched his arm. “I’m just being a mother.”

“And you’re a very fine mother, indeed.” He winked at her.

“I learned from the best. Now…”

With one swift motion, she grabbed Robin by the collar of his pajamas and pulled him close. Before he knew it, he found his face mere inches away from his wife’s, looking into her green eyes, which were now dark with desire.

“Where were we?”


	3. Mark and Marinus Pendragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark belongs to [queenallyababwa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenallyababwa/pseuds/queenallyababwa) and Marinus belongs to [CaptainDisney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDisney/pseuds/CaptainDisney)

Arthur plopped down on the couch, feeling completely spent. His muscles instantly relaxed as they met the plush upholstery, the tension vanishing for the time being. He loosened his tie and closed his eyes, allowing his head to fall back as he released a breath that he hadn’t realized to have been holding in. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten home feeling this exhausted.

“Rough day at the office?”

His eyes fluttered open as that melodious voice reached his hears. He smiled as soon as he spotted his wife, gently cradling her swollen stomach as she approached him.

“‘Rough’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.” he replied as he kicked off his shoes, the sudden lack of pressure on his feet almost making him shed tears of joy.

“Nobody ever said being a CEO would be easy.” Gwen commented as she took a seat next to him. “I hope you haven’t been pushing Patsy too hard.”

“Not more than usual. I did have to fire someone today. You know, that one guy whose name I could never remember? His productivity levels had been decreasing drastically for a long time. It just felt like he didn’t belong there anymore.”

“How did he take it?”

“Well, first he apologized and begged me to let him stay, then he threatened to sue us and tried to crane-kick Patsy when he called security.”

“Poor Patsy!” Gwen couldn’t help but laugh. “At least your day was interesting. I hate being on maternity leave. All I do is sit around the house all day.”

“Has Marinus been giving you a hard time?”

“No, he’s been surprisingly quiet today.” said Gwen as she rubbed her baby bump. “I wish I could say the same about Mark.”

“What’s wrong with Mark?”

As if on cue, a loud slamming sound was heard from across the house. Arthur was alert and worried, but when he looked at Gwen, all he saw on her face was annoyance and fatigue.

“It’s been like this all day.” she sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “All he does is act out and drive me mad.”

His wife might have been too tired to deal with it, but Arthur wasn’t having it. He had had an exhausting day at the office; the least he wanted was some peace and quiet in his own home.

“Mark Pendragon, get in here this instant!” he barked.

The small boy entered the living room frowning, dragging his feet against the hardwood floor.

“Your mother tells me you’ve been misbehaving.” Arthur tried to speak calmly, crossing his arms as he observed his son trying to avoid eye contact. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“It’s all _his_ fault!” Mark exclaimed not a millisecond after his father finished speaking, pointing at his mother’s swollen stomach.

Arthur and Gwen stared dumbfoundedly at their firstborn, taken aback by his sudden outburst and by the so-called reason for his rotten behavior. The six-year-old’s finger was shaking as it continued to point at his mother’s enlarged abdomen, and the tears welling up at the corners of his eyes were growing more visible by the second.

“Ever since he began to grow inside of mommy, it’s been ‘Marinus, this’ and ‘Marinus, that’!” Mark protested, his tone angry and loud. “It’s not fair! I never wanted a brother! It’s like you’re trying to replace me!”

“Sweetheart, no!” said Gwen, pulling her son into a hug. “We could never replace you!”

“Then why are you having another baby?” Mark whimpered, eyeing his mother’s baby bump with disdain.

“That’s mostly your father’s fault.” she replied as she glared at Arthur from the corner of her eye, who blushed and grinned awkwardly. “But also because we still have a lot of love to give. We’ll still love you just as much, but you have to understand that Marinus will need more care and attention. You’re going to have to be a big boy about this.”

“But I don’t want to be a big boy.” he murmured sadly. “I want to be a baby. _Your_ baby.”

Arthur could understand his son’s insecurities. He was certain he would’ve had the same insecurities if he had ever had a younger sibling. As luck would have it, the only thing closest to a sibling he ever had was his tyrant of a stepbrother, who tormented him all throughout his childhood.

As much as it pained him to recall that turbulent part of his youth, it also gave him an idea on how to reassure his son about the new addition to the family.

“Mark, come here.” Arthur ordered. “I want to have a serious talk with you.”

Mark released his mother’s torso and slowly made his way towards his father. Arthur gently picked up his son and sat him on his lap.

“Son, have I ever told you about your uncle Kay?”

“No.” Mark replied, seemingly confused. “I didn’t know I had an uncle.”

“That’s because I try not to talk about him, on the count of the bad influence he was.” Arthur sighed before continuing. “Kay is my stepbrother. He is older than me, but instead of protecting me and helping me like an older brother should, he did the exact opposite. He would bully me and treat me like dirt with every chance he got.”

Arthur could see the look of absolute shock in his son’s face. As much as it hurt, he was glad to see the message was coming across as he intended.

“I had the worst childhood thanks to Kay, so the last thing I would like to see is my own son follow in his footsteps.” he reached down and affectionately tousled his son’s hair. “You don’t want to be a bad brother, do you, son?”

“No…” Mark replied, looking down at his lap embarrassedly.

“I thought so.” Arthur smiled, patting his son on the back. “You’ll see, having a brother is fun. Just think about it as your new best friend and playmate.”

Mark’s head suddenly whipped back up and Arthur could see his eyes glint with excitement.

“Really?” he gasped.

“Of course!” Arthur laughed. “As soon as he’s old enough, Marinus will need someone to play with. You can teach him how to play all of your favorite games! But you have to promise to be nice. Do you think you can do that?”

“Yes!” Mark grinned, nodding his head excitedly. “I promise!”

“Good. I’m glad to hear that.” Arthur stated as he gave his son a tight hug. “Now go to your room, it’s well past your bedtime. Your mother and I will be there soon to kiss you goodnight.”

Mark hopped off of his father’s lap and scurried in the direction of his bedroom.

When Arthur glanced at his wife, he could see a look of satisfaction on her face.

“Good show, Mr. Pendragon.” said Gwen. “Looks like the boss always gets the job done, be it in the office or out of it.”

“All in a day’s work, Mrs. Pendragon.” he replied, sighing as he leaned back and relaxed against the couch, closing his eyes. “And just as exhausting as if it had been in the office. I am in dire need of some rest.”

“It’s time.”

“I agree, we should go to bed. It’s getting late.”

“No, Arthur, the baby’s coming!”

Arthur’s eyelids flew open and he saw his wife gripping her stomach, her face contorted in pain.

“Oh my God! Oh, Jesus…” he panicked as he stood up and began pacing around the room. “Alright, don’t worry! I-I’ll get the car! And I’ll call Patsy to come stay with Mark! He’s got his own family, but I’m sure he won’t mind! Just, just –”

“Arthur!”

He stopped talking and came to a halt, his hands still shaking and his heart pounding against his chest. Gwen gave him the most reassuring look she could muster, despite her contractions. Her forehead was glistening with sweat and she was breathing heavily, but she somehow managed remain calm.

“It’ll be alright. We’ll drop Mark off at Patsy’s on the way to the hospital.” she declared in the calmest tone possible. “Just promise me you won’t panic like last time.”

“Oh, no. I certainly don’t want to get sedated by the nurses, again.” he laughed at the memory of what happened on the day Mark was born. “I promise I’ll try to behave.”

“Good. Now, help me up.” Gwen instructed, extending her arms in his direction.

Arthur rushed towards his wife and gently pulled her up. She made a face as she stood and held onto his shoulders until she found her balance. She sighed once she was stable and smiled down at her husband, who smiled back.

“I love you.” he said tenderly.

“I love you, too.” she replied. “Now let’s get this baby out of me.”


End file.
